Faerie Tales
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: Remus tried to tell baby Harry a story, but with Sirius and James helping, it's not going to be easy.


Title: Faerie Tales

Summary: Remus tried to tell baby Harry a story, but with Sirius and James helping, it's not going to be easy.

A/n I got the idea from Rocko's Modern Life, and most of the Faerie Tales, yeah I play Neopets too much and spell Faerie like that, from people on the Neopets board. Thanks guys!

Remus Lupin sighed and picked the newly-turned one year old Harry up. "Come on, since your mother left you and me with these ideas, I guess I can read you a story. It'll keep us occupied, at least."

Harry giggled as Remus sat him down on the couch and grabbed Harry's story book. Sirius and James grinned and rushed to the couch. Sirius put Harry in his lap, while James propped him head on Remus's shoulder, to read the story, but mainly to annoy Remus.

"OK, Harry, how about the Three Bears?"

"No!" Sirius shouted.

"Why not?"

"Because that's the one with the porridge." Sirius whimpered dramatically while Harry laughed at his godfather.

"Do the one with the little kids getting lost in the woods!" James said, bouncing on his seat.

"OK, Hanzel and-"

"-Shelly" Sirius said, cutting Remus off. Remus sighed.

"OK, Hanzel and Shelly were walking in the-"

" -Museum of modern art!"

"No, James, they were walking in the woods. Hanzel was leaving behind a trail of tacos, wait, Sirius, why did you write tacos in here?"

"To be funny." Sirius shrugged.

"Sirius, you're an idiot. Anyway, Harry, they came upon a house made of -"

" -Fish sticks!" Sirius shouted.

"Nu-uh! It was made of cheese." James said firmly.

"You're both wrong, it was made of chocolate so shut up!" Remus said, which caused Harry to giggle. Remus continued to read. "But the children were afraid of that house, because they had heard a horrible old hag lived there."

"Someone made a story about Gen?" Sirius asked. Remus smacked him around the head, and continued:

"The door to the house opened and an elderly woman walked out. 'Hello, little children.' she said. 'Come inside my house, eat the gutters if you'd like.' she told them. The hungry little kids went inside and began to eat the house."

"Wow, scary lady." Sirius whimpered and hid behind a pillow.

"Shut up Sirius."

But James had gotten an idea. He snatched the book from Remus and beat him over the head with it, knocking him out. "Sirius, let's tell this right."

"OK!" Sirius grinned.

James grinned back, tossed the book over his shoulder, and continued where Remus had "left off".

"The kids, they didn't want to get eaten, Harry. For, you see, they had superpowers. But the old hag was ready for them. She fought back and chased the little kids to a stream."

"The kids shoved the witch in the stream and ran off. Soon, they came to the Land of Happy." Sirius snickered. "There was a ball going on that night, so the kids took some magic aging potion, Shelly became a beautiful woman, while Hanzel took too much and died."

James laughed. "So, Shelly's faeriegodsister, Marcus, arrived and told Shelly that she would meet the man of her dreams at this ball-thing. And Marcus tranformed Shelly's old dress into a hooker-chic tubedress with sparkles on it. Marcus them transformed an old bean can into a coach so Shelly would have a ride to the ball."

"But the bean can crashed and Shelly went flying into the clouds and landed at the door of a very large castle." Sirius continued. "And a giant lived there. His name was Bill and he was a crazy, drunk redneck giant. 'Fee-fi-fo-fum.' he said. 'I smell pizza!'"

James jumped in now. "So, Shelly ran for it. She hid in in a giant flowerpot where she met Mick the Doormouse. Mick was deaf and rabid and tried to bite her leg off. She ran away from him and slid down a giant peaplant and landed in a peaceful meadow."

"And then, the zombies came." Sirius said eerily. Harry's eyes widened as Sirius continued. "They tried to eat her brains, but she was brainless, so they all died of starvation."

"And so, she died, and everyone lived happily every after." James finished as Remus began to stir.

A/n

And so, another pointless fic of mine is done. I hope you liked it. Flames keep me warm at night.


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